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Uniformly humorous

Uniformly humorous

Aradhika Sharma

Why are most faujis so humorous?” I enquired of Brig Neeraj Parashar. He responded: “Well, since a fauji’s role is to die for the country with a smile, he may as well practice the smile throughout his life. He certainly can’t practice  death!”

“On a more serious note, however”, he continues “since the protection of the country’s borders, even at the cost of their lives, is a prerequisite of the job, humour is a natural defence mechanism for the soldier. An attitude of nonchalance towards life makes the possibility of sudden death or disability less morbid and the daily rigours of fauji life, more endurable.” Armymen know that humour is the best antidote to melancholy, sadness, stress and depression, helping in elevating the mood and diffusing tense situations. A sense of humour indicates high emotional quotient and is a recognised leadership quality for military leaders.

There is an entire sub-section of literature devoted to Army humour. Reams have been written about humour in uniform, mostly by the faujis themselves. The internet has pages devoted to comicality in the army. Army humour appears as comic strips, one-liners, quips, jokes, parody, ridicule, pranks, double entendre and, of course, the famous “barracks jokes”, which are essentially bawdy jokes, rhymes and songs. Some of the milder jokes that have cracked up generations of people are:

What branch of the military do babies join?

The infantry!

What don’t you say to a marine?

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to join the Marine Corps.

What happened to the soldier who went to the enemy bar?

He got bombed.

Reader’s Digest has been running “Humor in Uniform”, the hugely popular column now known as “Offbase”, which has been appearing for half a century and has published “more than 3,500 jokes, quotes, and funny stories from the more than a million readers who have submitted them.” These were compiled into a book with the same name. Several long-running cartoon strips have been based on the funnies in the Army. Mort Walker’s Beetle Bailey (begun on September 4, 1950), set in a United States Army military post where several maladroit soldiers are stationed, was a popular comic strip. Also noteworthy are George Baker’s Sad Sack, Dave Breger’s Private Breger and William Henry “Bill” Mauldin’s Willie & Joe, to name just a few. Hank Ketcham’s strip of Navy humor, was distributed by King Features Syndicate from 1970 to 1975. Nguyen Charlie by Corky Trinidad (later compiled into a book, Nguyen Charlie Encores) was a Vietnam war comic strip. The best Ordnance cartoons came from Sergeant Robert Vittur, USMCR, who found humour in the riskiest of occupations, bomb disposal. He created the popular EOD cartoon character, Mulvaney.

World War II demanded immense perseverance and courage from most American soldiers and gave birth to a lot of authors among whom was former soldier, Spike Milligan who wrote Adolf Hitler: My Part in His Downfall, Rommel? Gunner Who?, Goodbye Soldier and Mussolini: His Part In My Downfall. The bestseller Catch-22 by Joseph Heller is set during World War II, from 1942 to 1944. It mainly follows the life of Captain John Yossarian, a US Army Air Forces B-25 bombardier.

MASH: A Novel About Three Army Doctors and the series of M*A*S*H books that followed were written by Richard Hooker, an American writer and surgeon. The novel was based on his own personal experiences during the Korean War at the 8055th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital.

The Virgin Soldiers by Leslie Thomas (who was briefly involved with the military action against communist rebels in the Malayan emergency) spawned two film versions.

For reasons unknown, although the Indian Army has a long tradition of repartee, humour, bawdy songs and jokes, there aren’t too many officers who have written humour. Among those who have forayed into the realms of writing are Col Sudhir Jee Sharma with Military Anecdotes: Indian Military Humour.  Sajita Nair’s debut novel For She’s A Jolly Good Fellow is an amusing take on the life of a woman officer in the Indian Army while Militarily Crazy: The Lighter Side of Life in the Indian Army by Maj Gen. Anil Sengar is a compilation of humorous real-life stories of life in the Indian Army.

Ordered to Laugh: Essentially Indian Humour in Uniform by Sudhir Mudgal is supposedly an “authentic Indian military joke book”. Some fauji wives have also tried their hand at writing humourous books on Army life (Soldier & Spice: An Army Wife’s Life by Aditi Mathur Kumar, Fin, Feather and Field by Simren Kaur)

A specialty of army humour are the quips and one-liners that are, in fact, pithy doses of good sense, but full of wisdom. These form an essential part of the parlance of the armed forces the world over:

Military Expert: One who tells you what’s going to happen tomorrow – then tells you why it didn’t.

All battles are fought at the junction of two or more map sheets… printed at different scales.

Says Col Tarun Parashar: “Spontaneity and timing are essential to humour, as these are to military operations. A good joke is like a well laid ambush, sprung in time, to catch an unsuspecting audience off guard, and …well…. make them die laughing!!”


IAF quietly prepares to receive Rafale jets

IAF quietly prepares to receive Rafale jets

New Delhi, September 9

In the midst of a political firestorm over the Rafale jet deal, the Indian Air Force is quietly making preparations, including readying required infrastructure and training of pilots, to welcome the fighter aircraft, official sources said.

They said the IAF is sending a batch of pilots by the end of this year to France for training on Rafale jets.

A number of IAF teams have already visited France to help Dassault Aviation, the manufacturer of Rafale, incorporate India-specific enhancements on-board the fighter aircraft.

Sources said Dassault Aviation had already started test flight of the fighter jets to be supplied to India and the company had been told to strictly adhere to the timeline for delivery of the aircraft.

The jets will come with various India-specific modifications, including Israeli helmet-mounted displays, radar warning receivers, low band jammers, 10-hour flight data recording, infra-red search and tracking systems among others. The Congress has raised several questions about the deal, including rates of the aircraft, while the government has rejected the charges. Officials said the government had already sanctioned around Rs 400 crore to develop required infrastructure like shelters, hangars and maintenance facilities at the two bases. France had been regularly briefing India about progress in the project to supply the jets.

In July last year, Air Chief Marshal BS Dhanoa, during his France visit, flew a Rafale jet at the Saint-Dizier airbase to gain a first-hand experience of the aircraft. According to the deal, the delivery of the jets will start in 36 months and will be completed in 67 months from the date the contract was inked. — PTI

Indian Pilots to visit France for training

  • In September 2016, India had inked a deal with France to procure 36 Rafale jets at Rs 58,000 crore
  • The delivery is scheduled in September next year and will be completed in 67 months from date of pact
  • IAF pilots have already trained on the jets in France and will again go there by the year-end, say sources
  • First squadron is likely to be deployed in Ambala, second at Hasimara in West Bengal

Head of state won’t talk to separatists: Rawat

Army chief tells separatists to approach the interlocutor for dialogue in J&K

JAMMU: Army chief General Bipin Rawat on Monday ruled out the possibility of the Centre’s direct talks with Kashmiri separatists and terrorists. “To say that the head of the state will come and talk to these terrorists, I do not think that is going to happen,” Rawat told journalists after attending a seminar on internal security at Mamun Cantonment in Punjab’s Pathankot.

PTI■ Army chief General Bipin Rawat felicitates an ex­serviceman during the celebration of ‘Undying Spirit of the Disabled Soldiers’ at Mamun Cantt, Pathankot.

›To say that the head of the state will talk to terrorists, I do not think that is going to happen. We will not allow terrorists to create violence… GENERAL BIPIN RAWAT, Army chief

He said former Intelligence Bureau chief Dineshwar Sharma, who was in 2017 named as the Centre’s special representative for dialogue with all sections of the society in Jammu and Kashmir (J&K), has been appointed for the purpose.

Rawat’s statement came days after former J&K chief minister Omar Abdullah on Thursday referred to India’s participation in a meeting on Afghanistan at Moscow that included the Taliban and asked why was not a similar engagement possible in his state. Russia hosted the second such meeting on Friday in which India participated at the “non-official level” with retired ambassadors TCA Raghavan and Amar Sinha representing it.

J&K’s mainstream political parties, including Abdullah’s National Conference and former chief minister Mehbooba Muftiled People’s Democratic Party, favour dialogue with the separatists as well as Pakistan to settle the Kashmir issue. India has maintained that there can be no talks with Islamabad as long as it backs militancy in J&K.

Rawat called the government’s policy “very clear-cut” over the issue. “We will not allow terrorists to create violence in our society… Therefore anybody who creates the violence will be neutralised. At the same time, an interlocutor (Sharma) has been tasked to speak to various people in the (Kashmir) Valley,’’ said Rawat. He said Sharma was talking to the people. “He is saying that he is open to everybody and anybody, who wants to speak to him, can go to him. Who says talks are not going on?”

Rawat said if the separatists do not want to listen to Sharma and to approach him, then he does not know what further do they hope. “We are doing indirect talks…”

He reiterated his warning to those, who disrupt anti-terror operations in the state, saying they will be dealt with sternly. “Terrorists… are creating violence in your society… the security forces come to neutralise them. If you are preventing armed forces from neutralising terrorists and allowing them to escape, then what are you? You are also a supporter of terrorists and have to be dealt with accordingly,” he said, referring to frequent protests at the scenes of anti-terror operations in Kashmir. Rawat said it was not worth joining the insurgency. “…you will not live long. We are giving you an opportunity to surrender and give up guns. If people do not behave and continue the violence, the only element left is to neutralise them.”

 

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From a lion at sea to the Gir by Lt Gen Baljit Singh (Retd)

Paradoxical as it may sound, but here was a man who could not swim even in a bath tub and yet he ‘missed by a whisker to be the Naval Chief’, as he mused with a chuckle to my wife during a brief visit to our home in 2012. When we met for the first time in 1969, he was the Chief Instructor (Navy) while I was a student at Defence Services Staff College, Wellington. He was among that last generation of officers who had no inhibitions in striking lasting friendships with junior officers.

He was the happiest taking his watch on the ‘bridge’ of a Naval ship and perhaps even more so, tugging guide ropes of a sailboat. But he was truly on cloud nine astride a horse, come rain or sunshine; and faster the gallop so much the more invigorating! Six-foot-plus, broad shouldered, not an ounce of flab, ramrod upright and dressed in the traditional striking red coat, snow-white breeches, full length black riding boots, he was the epitome of  ‘Master of Hunt’, anywhere!

There was a strange contradiction here, because he never wanted the quarry to be run down as he hated the idea of ‘blood sport’. I think he simply loved the thrill of speed as he was also a qualified pilot. And in his younger days, he owned a chrome yellow  sports MG car, which in the 1950s was the fastest automobile in India. He got a severe tongue-lashing from General Shrinagesh once when he took Mrs Shrinagesh (his cousin) on a spree in the MG and in the process they had got delayed for an official function.

His hour of professional glory dawned in the 1971 Indo-Pak war, when in fulfilling the mission of blockade of the Bay of Bengal, he was conferred the Vir Chakra and a decade later was appointed the Flag-Officer-Commanding-in-Chief of the Western Naval Fleet. In between, he had the most fulfilling two years as Commandant, NDA, Khadakvasla, where with his imposing personality, he influenced countless young minds in the creed of ‘Gentlemen Officers’. The present Army Chief is one among his cadets.

He was also a very well versed and committed amateur naturalist. On October 28, when I felt convinced that unless the PM personally intervened and immediately, the Gir lion may go extinct, I got this mail: Dear Baljit, I will write to the PM. Please help by drafting a letter from me to him which I can print on my letterhead. To help, I will send him a copy of my book on the Gir lion, which was published in 1998, titled, Of Homo Sapien and Panthera Leo. Warm regards.

That was Vice-Admiral MP Awati, PVSM, VrC, who on November 4, 2018, passed away, aged 93.


Jakhar mocks Anil Ambani’s legal notice

CHANDIGARH: Three Anil Ambaniled companies have shot off a legal notice to Punjab Congress president Sunil Jakhar asking him to restrain from levelling allegations against them on the Rafale deal.

HT PHOTOPunjab Congress president Sunil Jakhar during a press conference in Chandigarh on Wednesday.

STATE CONGRESS CHIEF SAYS HIS AEROPLANE­MAKING SKILLS ARE BETTER THAN ANIL AMBANI’S

The “cease and desist notice” from Mumbai-based law firm, Mulla & Mulla & Craigie Blunt & Caroe, has warned Jakhar that any “false, frivolous, misleading and distorted statements to suit political interests” could lead to legal consequences.

The companies are Reliance Infrastructure, Reliance Defence and Reliance Aerostructure.

Showing a paper model of an aeroplane, Jakhar, while addressing a press conference here, said his aeroplane-making skills were better than the industrialist’s. He said the Congress will expose the “scam” as it is a matter of national security. But making defence airplanes is not a child’s play. The BJP is now using corporate houses to muzzle the voice of the opposition. It is a dark day for the democracy. An industrialist serving legal notice to an elected representative is a serious issue,” Jakhar said. He also tweeted a picture of the paper plane.

The Punjab Congress chief and Gurdaspur MP had raised the Rafale deal issue in the Lok Sabha during the monsoon session. “The Congress will continue to fight the nexus between capitalists and the BJP,” Jakhar said.

The notices have been sent to some Congress spokespersons too. The party has declared to hold series of press conferences across the country from August 25 to September 6 on Rafale deal. It has also planned district and state-level agitations starting September 7.

 

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Probe ‘book scandal’ during SAD-BJP regime: Sikh scholars

The kind of profit the publishers of these books were making can be gauged from the fact that each book was priced at ₹450 and at least 1.5 lakh copies were sold. which amounts to sale of ₹6.75 crore.
GS DHILLON, Sikh historian

CHANDIGARH : The Sikh Vichar Manch comprising scholars and historians on Tuesday asked Punjab chief minister Capt Amarinder Singh to order an inquiry into the “scandal” involving reference books for Classes 11 and 12 during the previous AkaliBJP government. The Manch members said despite dotted with glaring errors, the overpriced books were imposed on students for 10 years.

HT PHOTO■ (From left) Members of Sikh Vichaar Manch Gurpreet Singh, Gurtej Singh and GS Dhillon addressing the media in Chandigarh on Wednesday.

“If the CM is serious about the issue, he should immediately order an inquiry,” said Sikh historian GS Dhillon. Addressing the media, Dhillon, along with retired IAS officer Dr Gurtej Singh and Gurpreet Singh of Kendriya Singh Sabha, said the books taught then had shown Gurus in a bad light. “Why have they (Akalis) not raised their voice then,” said Dhillon.

Last week, Akali leaders launched a protest pointing out discrepancies in the content of books cleared by a group of eminent historians led by Dr Kirpal Singh in which Sikh Gurus were allegedly shown in a bad light. On Monday, Akali leaders led by its president Sukhbir Singh Badal protested outside CM’s residence, seeking apology from Capt Amarinder, before courting arrest.

“The kind of profit the publishers of these books were making can be gauged from the fact that each book was priced at ₹450 and at least 1.5 lakh copies were sold, which amounts to sale of ₹6.75 crore. What they taught was crap and this needs to be investigated,” said Dhillon, adding that then education minister Daljit Singh Cheema should also be held responsible.

He suggested that a ban be imposed on all reference books in circulation and a book – Short history of Sikhs by Ganda Singh and Teja Singh — be included in the course. He, along with Dr Gurtej Singh, offered to write a new book for Class 11 and 12 within 10 days. Gurtej Singh and Dhillon said the Sikh history written by the contemporaries of Gurus who were opposed to them can’t be without bias, so taking those historical facts into account was not the correct way of dealing with the Sikh history.

Gurpreet Singh demanded that a case under Section 295A of the IPC (hurting religious sentiments) can be registered against the book publishers.

The experts demanded that two members of Shiromani Gurdwara Parbandhak Committee – Inderjit Singh Gogoani and BS Dhillon, who recused themselves of the high-level committee led by Kirpal Singh to write content for new books — should have explained what made them move out of the panel.


West Bengal textbook identifies Farhan Akhtar as Milkha Singh Actor points out error on Twitter

West Bengal textbook identifies Farhan Akhtar as Milkha Singh

Milkha Singh. File photo

Tribune Web Desk

Chandigarh, August 19

A glaring error in a West Bengal textbook in depiction of athlete Milkha Singh was highlighted by a user on Twitter.Instead of Milkha Singh’s photo, the publisher has used Farhan’s picture, who played the reel Milkha Singh in the 2013 biographical film ‘Bhaag Milkha Bhaag’.Actor Farhan Akhtar has also urged West Bengal’s minister of school education to replace the textbook.

When West Bengal education board have Shown Shri Milkha Singh Ji as actor Farhan Akhtar they might show Bengal as Australia

Farhan Akhtar@FarOutAkhtar

To the Minister of School Education, West Bengal.
There is a glaring error with the image used in one of the school text books to depict Milkha Singh-ji. Could you please request the publisher to recall and replace this book?
Sincerely. @derekobrienmp

Lyfe Ghosh@Lyfeghosh

image of @FarOutAkhtar is portrayed as milkha singh in west bengal text book. not at all shocked. its became regular incident here @ShefVaidya @ShankhNaad

“To the Minister of School Education, West Bengal. There is a glaring error with the image used in one of the school text books to depict Milkha Singh-ji. Could you please request the publisher to recall and replace this book? Sincerely, (sic)” he tweeted.The actor portrayed the legendary athlete in the 2013 film based on his life.Farhan also tagged Trinamool Congress MP Derek O’Brien in the tweet who responded saying that he was “on it”.Meanwhile, twitterati are not amused by this glaring error and slammed the textbook.Take a look at some of the reactions:

West Bengal using the Image of Farhan Akhtar to teach students about Milkha Singh….This is Bengal education

Tushar Sharma@ReticentReveler

Farhan Akhtar’s photo used in place of Milkha Singh in West Bengal textbooks. What next? Arbaaz Khan’s portrayed as Roger Federer in GK textbooks? Anyway, Bengal politicians seem to be taking Twitter a too seriously with their MPs too referring to Twitter handles in Parliament

 

madan mohit bhardwaj@mohitbhardwaj23

So these kids think that  . That’s what they are studying in their syllabus

When West Bengal education board have Shown Shri Milkha Singh Ji as actor Farhan Akhtar they might show Bengal as Australia.

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Fireworks, LED lighting mark ‘Bandi Chhor Diwas’, Diwali at Golden Temple

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Amritsar, November 7

A fireworks display and LED lighting marked the celebrations of ‘Bandi Chhor Diwas’ and Diwali as thousands of devotees flocked to the Golden Temple complex here on Wednesday.

The traditional fireworks display was a spectacular event even though its timing was reduced to just 10 minutes this year owing to pollution concerns.

The complex, where the holiest of Sikh shrines, the ‘Harmandar Sahib’ is located, was illuminated with LED lights, giving it a glittering look.There was festive spirit at the shrine complex in this Sikh holy city as thousands of people came here to offer prayers and seek blessings.

Acting Jathedar (chief) of the Akal Takht, Harpreet Singh, read out his message to the Sikh community on the occasion.The domes, buildings and floors of the shrine complex were cleaned and lit up for the occasion.

The day is celebrated in the Sikh religion as ‘Bandi Chhor Diwas’ (prisoner liberation day). On this day, the sixth Sikh guru, Guru Hargobind, returned to Amritsar after being released along with 52 princes from imprisonment by the Mughal emperor Jahangir from Gwalior prison in 1619.

The guru and the princes arrived in Amritsar during the Diwali festivities. Since then, the Bandi Chhor Diwas and Diwali celebrations coincide at the Golden Temple complex.

Elsewhere in Punjab, markets wore a festive look on the occasion of Diwali but traders said that sales were down.

People thronged various markets in Amritsar, Ludhiana, Jalandhar, Patiala and other towns.–IANS


Shaan Teri Kabhi Kam Na Ho , Aye Watan INDIA – Param vir Chakra Vijeta ( Patriotic Song )

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The Param Vir Chakra (PVC) is awarded to officers and enlisted personnel of all military branches for the highest degree of valor or self-sacrifice in the presence of the enemy. It may be awarded posthumously. The PVC is a post-Independent equivalent of the Victoria Cross (VC). — The Param Vir Chakra Winners : — 1947-48 J&K Operations • Major Somnath Sharma, 4 Kumaon, posthumous • 2nd Lt. Rama Raghoba Rane, Corps of Engineers • CHM Piru Singh, 6 Rajputana Rifles, posthumous • Naik Jadunath Singh, 1 Rajput, posthumous • Lance Naik Karam Singh, 1 Sikh 1962 Indo-China War • Major Shaitan Singh, 13 Kumaon, posthumous • Major Dhan Singh Thapa, 1/8 Gorkha Rifles • Subedar Joginder Singh, 1 Sikh, posthumous 1965 Indo-Pak War • Lt. Col. A.B. Tarapore, 17 Poona Horse, posthumous • CQMH Abdul Hamid, 4 Grenadiers, posthumous 1971 Indo-Pak War • Major Hoshiar Singh, 3 Grenadiers – 1971 War • 2nd Lt. Arun Khetarpal, 17 Poona Horse, posthumous • Fg. Off. N.J.S. Sekhon, No.18 Squadron, posthumous • Lance Naik Albert Ekka, 14 Guards, posthumous 1999 Kargil Operations • Captain Vikram Batra, 13 JAK Rifles, posthumous • Lieutenant Manoj K. Pandey, 1/11 GR, posthumous • Grenadier Yogender Singh Yadav, 18 Grenadiers • Rifleman Sanjay Kumar, 13 JAK Rifles UN Operations • Captain G.S. Salaria, 3/1 GR, posthumous – UN Operations Saichen Operations • Naib Subedar Bana Singh, 8 JAK LI – Siachen Operations IPFK Operations • Major R. Parameswaran, 8 Mahar, posthumous – IPKF Operations

Kar chale hum fida jaan-O-tann sathiyo (Muhammad Rafi)

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Aye Mere Watan Ke Logo l Immortal Patriotic Song Of India l Gautam Deonani

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Fireworks for only 10 min at Golden Temple today

Fireworks for only 10 min at Golden Temple today

he illuminated Golden Temple on the eve of Diwali in Amritsar on Tuesday. Tribune photo: Vishal kumar

Tribune News Service

Amritsar, November 6

Newly appointed Akal Takht acting Jathedar Giani Harpreet Singh will deliver his first customary public address from the “Darshani Deodi” on Bandi Chhor Divas (Diwali) tomorrow.There is a little chance of any trouble since Sarbat Khalsa-appointed acting Jathedar of Akal Takht Dhian Singh Mand, who used to deliver a “parallel address”, is occupied with the ongoing protest at Bargari.

Nevertheless, heavy security arrangements have been made in and around the complex. Apart from SGPC task force, the district police and the paramilitary forces have been deployed.Jarnail Singh Sakhira, one of the main organisers of 2015 Sarbat Khalsa, said he and his supporters would lodge a protest during the Jathedar’s address.

“We will oppose Giani Harpreet Singh as he too has been appointed with the blessings of the SAD, which has brought misery to the Sikh Panth. Although Jathedar Mand is busy at Bargari, he will read out his message from there,” he said.

Dal Khalsa spokesperson Kanwar Pal Singh said they were not against Giani Harpreet Singh delivering the “sandesh”.

SGPC secretary Diljit Singh Bedi said Giani Harpreet Singh would deliver his message around 5 pm in the presence of SGPC president Gobind Singh Longowal and representatives of various Sikh organisations.

Meanwhile, the Golden Temple will be illuminated with newly installed special lighting system even as the duration of fireworks display has been reduced.

SGPC chief secretary Dr Roop Singh said high-altitude firecrackers would be burst, but the timing had been reduced to 10 minutes from 15 previously.

“Keeping in view the rising pollution, only earthen lamps will be lit. We will appeal to the devotees not to light candles at the Golden Temple complex,” he said.